Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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