Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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