At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
