We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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