it was like eating out sand paper
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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