a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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