my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
COCAINE IS GR8
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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