This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
