I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
