I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
