Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
whose parrot is this?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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