when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
