No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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