Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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