Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i drank out of a bidet.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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