I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
