He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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