she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
