Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
