Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
