Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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