he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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