dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
