Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
