one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
