So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
