I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
