Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
