So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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