I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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