i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
