im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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