Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
