At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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