Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
