i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
