UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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