I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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