You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
