weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The Olympian is in my bed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
