i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
