The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
