I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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