Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
