Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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