Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
