Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
