thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
