I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
