how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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