did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
