If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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