Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
