Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
