dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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